In the beginning, I always questioned my faith and I never thought I was ready to be baptized. I would look those around me and see that my faith was lacking or wasn’t strong enough. I didn’t have any bible verses memorized and couldn’t give context to any parable. So I agreed with myself that I would only get baptized when I knew my faith was stronger. But here’s where I went wrong, it’s not up to me but God. Baptism is not something you’ll do when your faith is strong enough, but it’s the next step ito have a stronger relationship with God.

Not only did I question my faith, but I always had questions about baptism too. Like what was the purpose and the meaning of baptism? But it was never really was taught in Sunday school, so all I knew was that we should be baptized as a Christian. This gave me reservations about being baptized.

Another factor that was hindering me was the fact that I grew up in a somewhat dysfunctional family, I didn’t fully understand what it meant this concept of love described in the bible as I couldn’t really see it with my parents. I didn’t know what to expect from a supposed “loving” God. I saw the hard effort and “love” my parents have to me, but I never really understood what it meant or how it works in the context of a relationship with God.

This all changed a couple years ago at Today’s Teens Conference. It was at the last workshop with a speaker Karen Holt, she talked about this concept of “3 taps to the shoulder” where God gives them nudges to do things. It was at this workshop that I witnessed it first hand the love of God. I was having an off day that day, I woke up to my parents fighting and I was feeling especially down. For some reason, all I wanted was for someone to pray for me and I asked God to show me a sign that he was there for me. As I was leaving the workshop, Karen stopped me and she said I was told by God that she should pray for me. It was at that point that I knew God was real and that he indeed loved me and was looking out for me.

There was this short story that my friend shared with me. It actually really helped me understand what the love of God is. It just kept resonating with me. The story starts of with the entire world going through an deadly epidemic and everyone is lined outside of this hospital to see if their blood is suitable to find this cure. As the minutes passes by more and more people are being affected by the disease and dying off. In the line to the hospital there’s this dad and his son, who’s no older than 5 years old. When suddenly a nurse runs out and is frantically calling for the dad’s name. So he identifies himself thinking maybe his is the match for the cure. As the nurse approaches she goes explains that there is good news and bad news. The good news is his son’s blood is a match for the cure and could save the world. But as he is an infant, the blood he would have to give would kill himself. At that moment I understood that God who is the father in this scenario, was willing to sacrifice his only so to save the rest of the world.

These experience reinforced my thoughts that God is real, but I still questioned my own faith. If I was a good enough Christian. Given the opportunity to look into other churches, I met some people that really inspired my faith. Thought I still don’t know all of the bible or context. There’s this feeling that says I’m ready, this is it. I got perspective on my own faith.